The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i don't like sucking hair
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
