The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
