Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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