Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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