so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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