am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
