Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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