just tell him i said nine months
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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