im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
