My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
