Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
