3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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