And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
