so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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