...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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