Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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