Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
