it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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