apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The uberlube is also flammable
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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