She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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