I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
