And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
