I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
