My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
