i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
