you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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