So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
