you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
