we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
