I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
