She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
