My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Who died my cat blue again?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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