How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
