i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
