ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
