My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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