"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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