pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
