I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
