I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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