oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
