can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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