I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
