Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
