You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
