Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
being pregnant is like rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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