Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
