I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
