this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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