my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
