I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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