Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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