Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
