i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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