mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
