I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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