i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
