Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
