Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
