I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
