My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think your dad took our porno
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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