Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think your dad took our porno
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
