Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I have post one night stand depression
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