Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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