What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize