all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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