sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
