i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
